ORM appointment

Yesterday, J and I finally had our initial consultation at ORM and I'm happy to say that it went really well! I absolutely love our doctor (Dr. Elizabeth Barbieri). I was referred to her by someone and I can see why she loved her so much. I have to say that a lot of the consult was a review for me since I've been researching IVF like crazy for the past few months. I asked her about how my high BMI would affect our success rates (which I already knew the answer to, but I wanted to hear it from her). She told me that chances can be 30% lower if an IVF patient is overweight. She was very caring and sweet about it, but basically told me that to increase my odds of conceiving, having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, I should lose 20-30lbs. Luckily, I had been preparing myself for this for a while so I wasn't shocked or anything.

Here's the time line she gave us:
1st month of treatment (will start at the end of July): testing phase
2nd month of treatment: Prep phase
3rd month of treatment: Egg retrieval/implantation & hopefully a positive pregnancy test by October!!

So, that gives me a total of 4 months before I would be pregnant...4 months to lose 20-30lbs! I know I can do it. This is the biggest motivation for me ever and I don't even look at it as an option to not lose the weight. That means as of right now my mindset has changed from waiting for answers and a plan to ...OPERATION: GETTING FIT TO GET FAT! Haha!

One more week...

...until we finally see our doctor at the fertility clinic to find out when we can get this show on the road!!! I've been feeling incredibly positive, hopeful, and anxious for this day to come. One thing I've been worrying about for a while is whether or not the doctor will suggest that I lose weight before starting IVF. So, I've decided to be proactive and start a new diet to lose a little weight before we even go. If she suggests that I lose more, I'll keep at it as long as I need. I've been doing it a little less than a week and I've lost quite a bit already!

Some great news that I haven't mentioned yet is that about a week and a half ago we found out J's blood test results for Cystic Fibrosis and it was NEGATIVE!! He does not have it and is not a carrier! We're really happy because we now we don't have to worry about me getting tested or our babies being at risk. At the same time, we still don't have a clear explanation about the reason for the missing seminal vesicle. We're thinking it may just be a birth defect.

Something really interesting (and kind of creepy) that happened last week was that J told me a co worker that knows he's married, but doesn't know we're moving towards IVF (or even that we've been trying to conceive), told him that she had a dream about us and we had 2 babies (!!!). She didn't say twins, but she said we were putting two infant car seats in an SUV. Isn't that crazy?!?! Of course I got all excited hoping that this woman is psychic or something. Please be a premonition!

Mother's Day

For the past couple years mother's day has been difficult because of wanting to be a mother so badly. Today was different for so many reasons. First of all, after training for several months, I completed my first 5k run since I was in high school. I decided to do this because I feel like I'm usually the type of person that starts lots of new things but has a difficult time finishing, especially when it comes to fitness and nutrition. I committed myself to the 5k because I knew it was something I could do if I stuck with it. I needed to prove that I don't always give up on myself. Well, after starting out the race a little rough (uphill most of the first mile was brutal), I finished out strong and came in under the time I had expected. The most amazing part was how accomplished and proud of myself I felt. During the race I kept thinking about my future babies and how I want to be a good example for them and I want to be healthy for them. I was also thinking about my mom and how determined she's always been in her life. I've always despised running, but who knows, maybe I'll become a runner after all!

Three more weeks until we go to the doctor to figure out our IVF time frame! I'm nervous and excited. This is what we've been waiting for, but I still have this thought in the back of my mind that something's going to go wrong or something unexpected will come up and deter everything. It sounds pessimistic but that's how our lives have been for a while now. We work so hard for what we want and then life happens and says "Not so fast!" Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball to see what our future looks like. What's the outcome of all this going to be? But I guess that's the fun of life...never knowing what's around the corner.

Positive thoughts

“May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.”

 

One of the things that often comes with infertility is a sense of envy, jealousy or asking "why not me?" when someone announces they're pregnant. It's something I've definitely struggled with throughout this whole journey. I'm not proud to say that I've had those negative thoughts and judgments about people that I didn't feel were ready or fit to be parents. I realize now that's a normal process that we often go through when grieving over something we aren't able to make happen. 

 

Today I found out about another friend who is expecting and my first emotion was anger, but then quickly did some processing and realized that I don't have a reason to be angry or envious because my day is coming. Yes, there are lots of people who are able to conceive naturally without trying that hard, but is that something I should hold against them just because I can't?? Of course not. So, I sent a text congratulating her and accepting her invitation to hang out soon. I am realizing that the negativity will not get me anywhere and will likely eat away at me like a disease. So, I'm done with it. Life isn't always fair, but you have to work with what you've got. I'm lucky enough to be able to utilize the medical technology we have today. There are many that can't say that, so I need to be grateful and keep my eye on the goal of becoming a mommy! May 27th is our first consultation with our fertility doctor at ORM. I'm so excited and hoping we'll get a plan for moving forward with treatment for the summer! I was referred to this doctor by a woman in Portland that I've been talking to on a message board. She said some amazing things about her and she's now pregnant with twins!