It's go time!

I feel like I've been waiting for so long to start this IVF journey and it's finally here! It's kinda surreal actually that, if everything goes well, I could be pregnant by mid-October!!

So, the week started off pretty rough. I had been (impatiently) waiting for my period to arrive over the weekend (day 1 I was supposed to call and schedule testing for day 3)...and it's usually pretty predictable, so when I didn't start on time I was a little worried/nervous/frustrated. I was spotting for about 3 days when I decided to call the clinic and let them know what was going on. I was really worried that, for whatever reason, this would be my period and I would miss it and have to start the IVF process next month. The nurse told me to take a pregnancy test to see if by chance I was pregnant (I guess crazier things have happened), so I did and of course it was negative. She decided to have me come in and see if we could at least determine if I had started or not and what was going on, so that we don't miss our opportunity. I went in about an hour later and did an ultrasound (to look at my uterus lining and follicles) and some blood work (including a beta pregnancy test). I got a call later that afternoon from the clinic saying that I hadn't even started my period yet, so I needed to wait for a heavier flow and call them. The really frustrating part is that I basically spent $500 for all that testing, just to be told that my period hasn't started. Grrr! After a little bit of fuming, I decided that I needed to get over it and move on because these next few months are probably going to be filled with things I can't control. The more positive and optimistic I can stay, the better the outcome.

That was all on Tuesday, so the next day I get somewhat of a regular flow and call the clinic back to schedule the testing to be redone on Friday. Went in on Friday and had the exact same tests (minus the pregnancy test) and was able talk with my Dr. for a bit about the ultrasound findings. She said that she saw 9 follicles, which basically means that if I were to take the hormones now to mature them, I would hopefully get 9 eggs to be fertilized. I'm not starting hormones for another 8 weeks or so, but she was just explaining how the more follicles present, the better our chances of getting the most eggs retrieved, fertilized, and even though only 2 are going back in me...we would freeze and be able to meet the other ones later on. With all that being said, she basically said that I have less follicles that she would like to see in someone my age, but that it can defer month to month, so hopefully this is just an "off" month for me. I was able to sit down and talk with my nurse (she is amazing!) who answered a lot of "what next" questions...and her answer was more testing, testing, testing. So I go back next Thursday for more testing! Woo hoo! Probably right about the next time I go in I'll be able to get a calendar of exactly what my IVF schedule will be based on the medications I have to take and all that. Friday afternoon I got the results from my blood work, which the nurse said were perfect! They were testing to see what my level of hormone is for  being able to mature follicles, so that I have the best potential to get as many eggs as possible. So, that's great news!

Yeah, so lots of stuff going on and I'm so ready for the craziness that will be my life over the next 8-10 weeks. The end result will make all this testing, money spending, frustration, etc. not even matter anymore.  Can't wait to be able to say "I'm pregnant!!!!!" =D

Beautiful words

I found this poem on an infertility message board that really struck me and I had to share...

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother."

I got a little emotional reading this poem because so many pieces of it are words that I have been thinking and saying for a while now. It's unfortunate that J and I have to go through all this to achieve something that others barely have to work to attain, but I know it will make us more grateful, caring and aware/appreciative of the smaller things in life.

Correction

Our nurse from ORM called me yesterday just to see if I had any questions about the semen analysis and when I asked for clarification of the results she told me that we still need to do ICSI but won't have to do a biopsy. J swears the Dr. said no ICSI but I guess there was a misunderstanding. So, the news isn't as great as I thought, but it's still better than things were before. Not having the biopsy is going to have J a lot of pain and us a good chunk of change still. By the way, I really love our nurse! She's super informative and sweet. So far I'm really glad that we chose ORM because all the people we've met there are amazing.

Unexpected news!

It's great to be actually able to talk about unexpected, good news. J went in yesterday for his 3rd semen analysis and got his results back super quick. The doctor called and told him that according to his results, she doesn't think it will be necessary to do a biopsy to retrieve sperm or an ICSI (directing injecting sperm into the egg) because he had enough viable sperm in his sample. This is HUGE because we'll now be saving up to $3,000 since we won't have to do those two procedures. In a way it makes it feel like the IVF will be more "natural" because J's sperm will be fertilizing my eggs on their own (even if it's still in a petri dish haha). So, it sounds like she wants him to come back for another sample to freeze (yesterday's was frozen) and then when it comes closer to egg retrieval/fertilization time (probably mid Sept), he'll give a fresh sample and the other two will be back ups.

This news really brought my spirits up and gave me even more hope that things are going to work out for us. Two more weeks until I start my blood work and ultrasounds to get things going. I just need to stay on track for losing weight and staying healthy!

This is the month!

It's been a while since I've updated my blog, so I thought I'd say a little something about what's been going on...which hasn't been a whole lot. Over the last month I've just been focusing on changing my eating habits and being more active, which is going really well! I've lost about 10-15lbs since the Dr. consultation. At first I was doing this really restrictive diet, which helped me lose weight quickly, but didn't allow me to have energy to exercise and made me pretty unhappy. So, I started back up with Weight Watchers and it's made a big difference in my mood and energy level.

As of yesterday I have my medical insurance reinstated, so when I start my cycle at the end of the month I'll be ready to start testing for IVF! I'm really hoping I can lose 5lbs each month for the next few months that I'm going through testing and treatment. It definitely helps that the weather's been so nice here in Portland. It motivates me to get out of the house, take walks and get pictures like this:

Or to enjoy the smaller things in life, like this:

I'm mostly just taking care of me and preparing myself for the months ahead. I'm not so much anxious or nervous as I am excited and ready. I've been talking to other women going through IVF this summer and it gives me so much hope and inspiration to hear how others are being so strong and some have even finished the process and are now pregnant.  I'm so ready for that to me!